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Author Topic: Bored  (Read 5189 times)

schizotypal

  • Posts: 243
  • The next hiro
Re: Bored
« Reply #15 on: October 09, 2014, 11:16:01 AM »

That's nice dear  :laugh:

Now get off your high horse already.
Such passive aggreessive much snarky very interrectuar wow
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Ming

  • Empress
  • Posts: 10005
  • Stinky Smelly Salary Man
Re: Bored
« Reply #16 on: October 09, 2014, 11:40:52 AM »

It's my life.

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schizotypal

  • Posts: 243
  • The next hiro
Re: Bored
« Reply #17 on: October 09, 2014, 12:39:16 PM »

it's now or never
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Ming

  • Empress
  • Posts: 10005
  • Stinky Smelly Salary Man
Re: Bored
« Reply #18 on: October 09, 2014, 01:06:18 PM »

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schizotypal

  • Posts: 243
  • The next hiro
Re: Bored
« Reply #19 on: October 09, 2014, 01:15:31 PM »

come on, sing with me!
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Pleinair

  • Posts: 1346
    • I swear I'll post more. Eventually...
Re: Bored
« Reply #20 on: October 09, 2014, 02:26:53 PM »

"I don't think all writers are sad, she said. I think it's the other way around- all sad people write.“ -Lang Leav

I started writing when I went through a bout of despair. Now that I'm better, I have a hard time writing anything.
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It all returns to nothing, it all comes tumbling down

Fuura

  • Posts: 56
Re: Bored
« Reply #21 on: October 09, 2014, 07:59:18 PM »

If your bored doing game stuff maybe you should find someone else and make it with them.

Ah, wouldn't that be great? It's too bad I don't really know where to look for one.
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Ming

  • Empress
  • Posts: 10005
  • Stinky Smelly Salary Man
Re: Bored
« Reply #22 on: October 09, 2014, 08:13:11 PM »

I like making games. But I'm extremely lazy.

Like, there needs to be a new word to properly describe how lazy I am.

Ming + Lazy = Mazy.

Great ring.  :damn:
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Fuura

  • Posts: 56
Re: Bored
« Reply #23 on: October 09, 2014, 08:18:37 PM »

I like to use C# in unity. I'm not a very good coder, but I am completely self taught.
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Fuura

  • Posts: 56
Re: Bored
« Reply #24 on: October 09, 2014, 08:50:18 PM »

Thanks, I will be trying this out.
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ScumbagSoldier

  • Posts: 2598
Re: Bored
« Reply #25 on: March 12, 2015, 03:37:51 AM »

My dad threw all of his inheritance and savings away so he could try and be a writer.

He failed.

And I grew up in poverty.

FUCK WRITING.

 :sad2:

Ming, I want to be a writer. Do you hate me?

I promise not to raise you in poverty.
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McJongJing

  • Posts: 7667
Re: Bored
« Reply #26 on: March 12, 2015, 03:41:57 AM »

I have great respect for good writers unlike Mings Grandpappy
I've tried it before, and it's bloody hard. It's so difficult trying to write characters that actually feel like people. When you finally finish something, you have to go over it and rewrite it. Reading your own writing is so cringey  :cry:

And then after all that hard work, you finally present it to someone, and they absolutely slam it.
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McJongJing

  • Posts: 7667
Re: Bored
« Reply #27 on: March 12, 2015, 03:49:32 AM »

Oh yeah Scumbag I forgot to ask.
What do you plan on writing?
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ScumbagSoldier

  • Posts: 2598
Re: Bored
« Reply #28 on: March 12, 2015, 04:08:33 AM »

Mostly fantasy and sci-fi. I'm also working on a crime drama screenplay for a friend.

Stuff I shat out, of varying levels of embarrasingness, can be read at http://drfeelbad.deviantart.com/ and https://www.tumblr.com/blog/cryingorc along with some other bullshit.

But since half of that sucks, here's an excerpt from something I'm working on:

Her sleep was broken by the distant ringing of the church bell, shouting, and cries of fear.
The darkness of her cramped bedroom was broken by the door swinging open to reveal her mother, still in her bedclothes, looking ragged and worried, carrying a flickering lantern that cast a twisting, amber light from the doorway. Shambling in, her mother knelt down and held her close.

“Anna.” She whispered in between heavy gasps for breath. “We’re going to go around to the cellar. Once we’re outside, I want you to shut your eyes, and don’t open them until I say it’s safe.”

The fear in her mother’s voice, and the urgent questions welling in her mind rose Anna from her drowsiness. Too stunned to speak, she simply nodded, and her mother led her outside.

As she stepped out, the bells, shouting, became clearer. There were women screaming for their children, children screaming for their mothers, and men screaming for all matter of things. Amidst the chaotic din, she could make out a few distinct cries.

“Get more water!”
“The east side is lost, everyone’s been massacred!”
“They’re inside the village!”

Suddenly, Anna felt her mother pull her backwards, before hearing a series of loud crashes, like several trees being felled at once, and being hit with a rush of hot air. Despite what her mother had told her, Anna couldn’t help but open her eyes, and found herself staring into a roaring fire.

Looking around, she realized they were standing at the ruins of the village blacksmith’s shop, which had been reduced to a mass of burning wood, and that several other homes were either engulfed in flame, or burned to the ground as smoke and hot ash blew about.

Chaos surrounded Anna and her mother, with all manner of people, from the village militia, to simple farmers armed with pitchforks and shovels scampering about, attempting in vain to control the fires, looking for their wives and children, and tending to wounded men. Glancing downward, she realized she realized a fallen horse lay next to her, its belly crudely ripped open, spilling blood and gore on the rough cobblestone. Quickly turning away from the gruesome sight, Anna spotted the familiar face of her father as he broke away from the confusion and limped toward her and her mother. As he drew near, Anna spotted, to her horror, a crimson trail originating from his crudely bandaged thigh descending down his white militia-issue trousers.

“Thank God you’re both alive.” He wheezed, nearly doubling over from exhaustion.
“The damned things are inside the village.” He said, holding Anna’s mother close. “Take our daughter, and run for the church as fast as you can.”

Glancing upward, Anna spotted dark shapes against the night sky, moving from rooftop to rooftop. Cursing under his breath, Anna’s father drew his falchion in one hand, and his hunting knife in another before rejoining the mayhem.

“Go!” He shouted as they lost sight of him.
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McJongJing

  • Posts: 7667
Re: Bored
« Reply #29 on: March 12, 2015, 04:27:09 AM »

It was good!
I do however have a personal problem with the way it was written.
I feel like you're stating things and not showing them.
When you say "cries of fear" you haven't shown me a cry of fear.
You've stated that there was a cry of fear. Perhaps something like "high pitched cry" or "shrill scream"
My examples probably aren't very good, but I think you get the point.
Similarly with the line "looking ragged and worried" I feel like I've just been told shes ragged.
How does she look ragged? Is her hair a mess? Is she bruised? What does ragged mean?
Is she dirty?

Keep in mind that this is just my filthy uneducated opinion, and it's very nitpicky.
So don't let it dissuade you. Being criticised is part of the road to becoming a master  :wink:
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